Time to rally

Yes, I have somehow found the will to rally. However, I seem to be lacking the way. The last couple of weeks have been very frustrating. I find out in April that I am allergic to wheat, milk, gluten and eggs. Then I work very hard to eliminate all of those from my diet. However, I continue to have what seemed like allergic reactions to food.

I would have good days and I would have bad ones. Some days were really bad. On top of all of that, I was having stomach pains and nausea. So I go back to the doctor and she tells me that I also have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. That was yesterday. I went home and slept. I went to sleep at 6 pm and finally got up for the day at about 10:45 this morning.

I ate lunch, but went running to the restroom within minutes – even with the meds. I feel weak, but not hopeless. A funny thing happened to me to force me into wanting to rally at this point. I have been so bad off that I have been thinking it would be better if someone shot me in my head and put me out of my misery. I know, drastic, but sometimes this whole thing is so overwhelming. 

Then during my doctor visit, the nurse gave me an Advanced Directive packet – to let them know what to should I get to a point where I cannot function mentally anymore. I lost it. This is exactly how I have been feeling and now my one hope – the doctor – seemed to be giving up too. When the doctor walked in I was sobbing. Poor doc.

She calmed me down and told me that even though things look very bad right now, there is a way to get me healthy again. She did say it won’t be easy, but it is doable. I went home and slept.

Today I have the will to fight for my health again. I’ve decided I do want to live and that my life is worth the fight. But like the doc said, it won’t be easy. My food allergies require that I do all of my own cooking – and I just do not have the strength every day to cook. My husband is a great guy and he’s very supportive, but he cannot cook worth a lick and eating out is still too iffy. Somehow food has become my enemy and yet I need it to live.

I guess that old saying really applies here. I have to take this one day at a time. Actually, I guess it more like one meal at a time.

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